Two years ago I decided to forgo making a list of resolutions and instead just stick to a word to help define my year. My first year was ‘fearless’, last year’s was ‘determined’ , and this year I’m picking ‘proactive’. Unlike my two previous words, this one took me a couple of weeks to settle on, even though there really weren’t any other contenders, it just felt too forward, too energetic, too much going forward and not enough calm to balance it out. But, it also felt right because of that. At some point, I can’t be an au pair anymore, and, truth be told, I’m looking forward to that day. I’ll be ready for that to happen. But I also want to be ready for it. I’ve been asked, especially the last few weeks, what my plans are after I’m finished here in July and my reply is the knee jerk, “Whoa, that’s a ways away.” Except: not really. That’s six months away and as much as I have realized that things, almost rarely, go exactly according to plan, that doesn’t mean having one is bad. Being able to make a plan and then adjust is a good quality to have. I’ve gotten quite good at the ‘adjusting’ part, though not exactly great at the ‘planning’ aspect of it. Being pro-active, for me, would be about getting myself ready for when I’m finished here, for creating opportunities and putting myself out there, for not waiting for something to just fall into my lap, but rather to work towards something, even if I’m not always entirely sure what that ‘something’ is. However:
One of the words that kept popping up while I was thinking of ‘proactive’ was ‘accept’. The issue I took with accept, however, was that it seemed as passive as proactive felt aggressive. Then I wondered why I couldn’t have two words to help my year along. I mean, there are no cemented rules about any of this, so, why not? Accept will be me balancing out all the activeness and go forth-ness that is proactive. It will be me realizing that I will not get things right the first or maybe even the fourth time, but that that doesn’t mean I should give up. It will be me realizing that things don’t work at my pace and that that’s okay. It will be me accepting that I am only 21 and it’s okay if, at the end of all the proactiveness and going forwardness, I still don’t have things figured and sorted out. Because even if it feels that everyone else around me does, I don’t need to be like everyone else because I’m not them and also that, just because it looks like they have it all together, it’s highly unlikely they really do and that they could probably use a glass of wine as much as I can. It’s the calmness to the active of proactive and will (hopefully) help me to keep me balanced.
They’re not really pretty words, more utilitarian than my previous ones, ready to work and work hard, but I think I’m ready for that, or rather: I think, maybe, I need that. Something a little less flashy and more ready to push its sleeves up and work hard, just like I am.
Things I’m Loving:
+ Going to Abu Dhabi – (Oh, and Bali.)
+ Salt Honey Pie – (Someone get me a slice (or the whole thing) of this.)
+ A wintery playlist – (Even though Christmas has come and gone, winter is still here.)
+ 10 Resolutions for Photographers – (To start the new year off right.)